On Authority

I have had the “pleasure” of working with teenagers on many occasions, as a math tutor and tennis coach. (Sorry for the quotation mark for sarcasm, I could not help) It can be a challenging group to work with and I find the main source of challenge is: their relationship with authority and their self identity and independence.

We all remember those years. We start to grow and hone our own identity and explore the world. Only this time, it’s not like when we were infants and we throw things, break things, even chew on things to explore the world outside of us. We start to explore our own strength, power, thoughts, interests, etc. We start to say “I think”, “I believe”, “I know”. Unlike when we were younger, we mostly say “My dad thinks”, “My mom knows”, etc.

With all these changes in our head, we start to “challenge” authority and explore the bounds of the relationship by questioning, misbehaving and “talking back”, etc. Trust me, I have my own share of headaches with some teenage girls I am coaching. I love them and like their seemingly limitless energy but I also want them to grow up to be self-aware, respectful and responsible adults.

I thought long and hard about how to coach them on the relationship with authority, and today I think I have some answers.

See, I don’t want anyone to lose the ability to question things, especially questioning authority. I do not want kids growing up to be mindless followers. I want them to be leaders, scientists, engineers, doctors, etc. Nevertheless, this does not mean not following instructions, not up to task and not listening during training and many many disrespectful behaviour.

It is a very tough situation. For a brief moment, I thought about giving up but when I looked back, I was lucky to have some really patient and supportive teachers and they never gave up on me and neither should I.

I think the key is, and I hope this would work, because while I am writing this blog, I have not talked to them about it yet. Right, the key is: help them understand where is the line:

• what is questioning authority and what is being stubborn and misbehaving? or to be specific WHEN to question authority?
• what are the acceptable ways to question authority?

Let’s dive in the first one. I think kids should know that they can always question authority. Period. A good coach, or teacher would create an environment where kids are not afraid to ask questions and they would feel safe to voice issues and concerns, especially when they feel that they are being treated unfairly or experience injustice.

Look at history, some women questioned authority in the UK then today, most women have the right to vote. Lincoln questioned authorities from the past and liberated the slaves in the US. Some American citizens questioned authority by organizing black lives matter protests.

Without those people challenging authority, the world will not be what it is today and democracy, liberty and equality y will not be possible.

HOWEVER, we should also teach kids that peaceful and respectful questioning is a must. Most kids in the western world are lucky that they never experienced war or the post effects of it. Violence often leads to horrible consequences: death, trauma, loss of hope, culture and humanity. The cruelty of war is just gut wrenching.

Well, there is a perspective that sometimes violence is needed as people tried the civil way and they were not heard. It’s a very complex issue to unpack. Let’s leave it for the history and philosophy teachers shall we?